The need to write...

I think after a time, Facebook is not the place to put all my philosophical points ;). So back to blogging we go! I am a bit intimidated by so many of the wonderful blogs I already read, but I'll give it another go!

As most people reading this already know, we lost a child about 3 weeks ago. Not to death, but to a failed adoption.

Now many people see this as us never really having her, so how is it a big deal to have lost her? But God created a deep love in our hearts for this precious babe, both before we even found out about her, then especially during our 2-month prep time, and still, she is part of our every moment thoughts and prayers. I finally found a picture of her, which helps me find a little more closure, just to know she appears to be loved by her family. I hope so. I still don't understand why she isn't here at our home, being loved on by us, but maybe in time I will.

This is one of the harder things we have had to go through in life! And yet life rolls on, and we have to roll with it! Our pastor gave us good advice...to face the grief and deal with it; don't just push it away! This wasn't just paperwork that didn't go through, this was an actual child, and so we grieve. But we have to keep living as well. My 3-yr old won't just lay in bed all day so I can sit and mope and cry. But he is so compassionate. God gives me the strength to get up, to take care of my family, to mean it when I tell people I'm doing ok. But yesterday I faced the grief again, and Lucas put his sweet little hand on my face, and we both cried together for a few minutes. And that was ok.

Morning by morning, day by day. His mercies are new! I try to find rest in that.